physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
