It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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