Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
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Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
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We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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