Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
