if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
