Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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