No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
