I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
