how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
