Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
