we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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