is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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