is your mom at the bar?
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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