I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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