SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
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You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
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It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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