I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Randomize
