also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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