then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
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thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
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Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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