If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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