Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
It's never too late to be topless.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
