I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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