well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
