I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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