I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize