Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
did i just pee glitter
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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