i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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