I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I didn't notice because vodka
Just high enough for therapy.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
