Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
