I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
