Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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