I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i will never coherently bang her
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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