I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Just cropdusted the office
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
