shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
