Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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