I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Randomize
