So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
How does one acquire holy water?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
