epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
