And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
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I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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