Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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