i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
