You don't have asthma, your pregnant
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
