hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
is this the sara with the beer cane?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
