fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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