i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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