i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
