Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
