i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
