omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
God I need to hump something, right now.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
