im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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