Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize