I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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