I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Just invented taco cereal.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
