What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
