I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
