I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
