Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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