Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
