you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
