We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize
