420 ftw
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
