maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
