In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
