i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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