somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
