I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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