if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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